English Tour at Taiwan's Museum of Natural Science

If you have free time on 5/18 or 6/14, head on over to the Science Museum to learn about Chinese Medicine, Chinese Science and Technology, and Chinese Spirtual Life. The activity is from 1:30-5:00 p.m. on both days. Space is limited to 35 people. Must be 18 or older and hold a foreign passport. Price of admission is NT$250. For information and reservation click here.

Happy Mothers' Day

Though long gone, still fondly remembered. The Mothers of Invention.

Freak Out
Absolutely Free
Cruisin' with Ruben and the Jets
We're Only in it for the Money
Burnt Weeny Sandwich
Uncle Meat
Weasels Ripped My Flesh
200 Motels
The Grand Wazoo
Just Another Band From LA
Waka Jawaka
Fillmore East
Apostrophe
Overnite Sensation

If you live in Taiwan, you'll never find this stuff in stores. Not even special order Zappa. As far as the folks who import music in Taiwan are concerned, Zappa does not exist. The guy at the record shop told me that the music importers and distributors in Taipei refuse to bring it into the country. So, happy Mother-'s Day to those mother-'s as well.

The present-day composer refuses to die. Thanks to file sharing.

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Now playing: The Mothers of Invention - Progress?
via FoxyTunes

Ready, Set, Stress

If it's Taiwan, it must be Test Season. They usually show up soon after the mosquitoes. At our After School gig, the first graders had tests on last Wednesday and Thursday. Half of our kids got 100's on both of their tests and were treated to McDonald's Happy Meals. Not bad. Not a good habit for our overachievers, unless we want a nation of Fatties. But that's neither here nor there, nor here, nor now. That's for their spotty future self to sort out. Happy Meal equals Happy Student Equals Happy Till.

Is everybody Happy? Sssssssurrrrrr......NOPE. There was a kid on Wednesday who left with his mom and dad nipping at his heels upbraiding him on the sidewalk for his dismal performance on the math test. Seven year old kid. Didn't work hard enough. His future is headed straight for the toilet. Can you believe that he would show his face in public after scoring a 96? You've noticed I haven't mentioned the boy's name for fear of causing further loss of face to his family.

96! Not GOOD ENOUGH, MATE!

Shit man, my brother Pete and I would have never graduated. We'd've wound up working in a gas station.

In other child abuse news. We've got a policy...because this is how Taiwan is and it's foolish for anyone to complain because what is ever going to change but check this out anyway. We've got this policy for our first grade students that they have to read a book every day before they go home. GREAT, huh? I thought so, too, that's why I okayed it. I didn't have a choice, but it makes me feel good. Just like in a marriage. So, they have to read a book out loud before they go home. There's a kid, will call him "Potato Head Bobby," who is always the last to go home. Always stuck here reading. HATES reading now. I think it might be because he has to read a 90 page book every day before goes home. No pictures.

That's Taiwan!

Groovy New Learning Tool

Got a link to this in the mail today. NCIKU "more than a dictionary" indeed. It's a handy little website for all of your Mandarin learning needs...as long as you're not in need of Traditional characters, apparently. You can enter characters with mouse strokes. You can browse a thematic glossary and listen to pronunciation samples. You can ask questions. You can chat. What else do you want?

Ok, traditional characters would be nice.

UPDATE: Just heard back from Clark at nciku. Nice guy, that Clark. He says that they are currently developing an interface with Traditional characters as well as one for the Korean language. I'm not saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" but there you go. Go enjoy it. And then, when the Traditional version shows up, go learn some more. Then when you get tired of the Taiwan scene, go to Korea. Learn Asian languages forever. And then go back to America to bag groceries when you retire. The end.

Here We Go

I don't read the China Post. I don't support their politics, and as a Right Wing Rag, I find their crossword puzzles way too easy. I saw an article in the Taipei Times about election anxiety and the business boom that many shrinks are experiencing right about now, but the only reference was in the China Post's online edition so here it is.

I was awakened at 5:00 this morning by horrific screaming. My Chinese has improved over the past several years, but I haven't been exposed to much Hysterical Mandarin since I left my previous employers and I couldn't quite make out what the screams were apart from, "I DON"T WANT TO GO!!!!!!"

At such an early hour, who has a clear mind? All I could think was that some sort of purge had begun. It turns out she's a new resident, a little unstable, and she had been accusing the security guards of breaking into her apartment and ransacking the place. So, nothing nefarious. The end.

In From the Cold Into the Cold

I swear to god it's colder inside this building than it is outside. WTF? Just had a conversation with some of the folks downstairs re: the purpose of shelter. The people who designed this building put together a very modern looking thing with a swooping roof and a lovely covered bridge that is reminiscent of traditional Chinese architecture. I was knocked out when I saw the place.

But now, it's 12.2 Celsius outside. I took my gloves off a few minutes ago so I could rant about how cold it is inside and now my fingers are almost numb. Why?

All the windows are open. Everywhere. Except in my classroom. There are windows on both ends of the hall, double doors on the first and second floor, windows in the stairwells, and along all the hallways. All of them. Wide. Assed. Open.

The locals complain about the cold all the time so I can't understand the reflexive opening of windows. When I come in in the morning, I close them in the office, and close the office door. If I step out of the room for thirty seconds, I return to find that the doors and windows are open again, even if the office is empty. I don't know how my office mates are doing this to me. Or why.

Can anyone explain to me the reasoning behind this practice?

Someone just tried to. She told me that Westerners are all used to the cold weather outside and that we go inside where it's nice and warm and that's what we're accustomed to. But in Taiwan, people are used to it being cold inside all the time, so it doesn't bother them. Because there's no heat. There's no heat, y'see, so they're inviting more cold in. And a mighty wind.

But it's hotter than hell in the summer. Aren't the Taiwanese used to hot weather? Why do they have air conditioning? Huh?

Someone back me up here. I'm not being ridiculous, am I?

Magnum Photos KTV Culture

One night and one roll of film taken by Chien-chi Chang in a KTV in Taiwan. The sound you will hear is called "singing." Totes safe for work, but keep the volume down, k?

Feeling Good

Flashcard Workshop

An Observation About Uniforms

The billingual school where I teach has an elementary school and a junior high school and a complement of uniforms that are the color of socks that have been entrusted to me to wash. 25% grey sweat pants and top with a white stripe sandwiched by two navies on the leg and sleeve.

The uniforms are universally despised by the students, but this is Taiwan, and I don't see any of them making any obvious modifications.

I like my students. They're really good kids, especially when compared to the kids in another class one of whom, when asked by their teacher to write a sentence from the workbook on the blackboard, responded with "Fuck You!" as well as the very aggressive two-handed gesture that goes along with it. This was one of the girls.

Some of the boys in the class did not wish to be outdone, especially in a pissing contest with girls about being offensive. Seriously, where's the honor in being beaten by a girl when it comes to being vile and pernicious? So, one joker decided to introduce a running gag where every time the teacher left the room, he told the teacher to "take his time" while masturbating in the toilet.

All semester we listened to his complaints that he had difficulty controlling his students, and we agreed that we had similar problems, but he didn't tell us the whole story until he handed in his notice. I'm sorry to see him go, he was a nice guy, one of the most patient people I've ever met, and an excellent conversationalist.

Up until the day he told us about the animals he was tending to in class, I thought my students were a gang of unruly gorillas. I mean, some of them spoke Chinese in class! I mean, I mean, some of them talked without raising their hands! Good GAWD people, some of them used to come to class without a textbook! My biggest complaint was that there was a kid who blurted out the answer to every single question I asked, even when the question was framed with multiple references to the inquisitee, so charged with competitiveness is the atmosphere here, this kid was launching himself out of his chair before the question was completely asked. This was my biggest complaint. No one ever said Fuck, shit, or even "Got Dandruff, some of it itches" until I taught them.

So, I didn't appreciate my students until well into the semester when I realized how bad it could have been if the dice had fallen another way. And I made sure to tell them all that no matter how much I had complained about them, as a group, they have really done a fine job.

So, yeah, I like my students. I've got three groups of mostly 8th graders mostly trying to keep a low profile and get through the day without being asked to do anything that might cause them to look stupid in front of some pimply uncoordinated member of the opposite sex. Just like 14 year olds anywhere in the world.

But, goddam, those uniforms! Institutionalized. Grey pants, shirts, socks, faces, answers, souls. Every day. But not Saturday.

Nope, Saturday is the day for the Jr High kids to be peacocks. During the school year I only saw them on Saturday one time and I was shocked by the difference in their mood & attitude. It was refreshing to sit in front of a class of brightly colored kids with smiles on their faces.

Today is Wednesday, but it's Winter Camp time. That is, most schools around the city are out for Chinese New Year, but my guys are here getting a jump on their college entrance exams or something. No school for them on Saturday during winter break, so Wednesday is the day when they all drop their uniforms off at my house so that I can make them as grey as my socks, and they look like Western 8th graders.

I'm walking a fine line here. Not wanting to judge books by their covers and all that, but when the covers are all different, their eyes are brighter, and I can't help but like them a little more.

Yesterday, a student half-heartedly flipped me the bird yesterday from a bridge at the school. To make sure things don't get out of hand, I chased him down and threw him off a roof. Then I gave him three demerits. Oh Yeah Baby!

What does it all mean? Probably only that I've finished my exams, report cards, and next semester's plan and I'm procrastinating on the last task of the week. Ok, I'll get on it.